Dear Beautiful One

I’d like your attention for a moment if I may, before you race forward to do the next thing for your fertility “to-do” list and get you to pause for a moment and take a deep breath and fully exhale. And if that feels good, or the first time you’ve found yourself pausing and taking a deep breath, do take another before you read on.

The world of infertility can be a very overwhelming and fearful place.
I know this because I’ve been there and heard this from many other women too.
I remember one woman crying because she just couldn’t take the charting and the anxiety that arose every time she did it, or the woman who felt guilty for ‘giving in’ and having a piece (a single square) of dark chocolate because she wasn’t supposed to have any sugar. Or the terrible guilt another woman felt when their friend announced their “happy news” and they felt like a terrible friend because they cried and thought why not me? When will it be my turn?

Does any of this sound familiar?

I’m all for doing things that are going to help your fertility, but I do observe the pressures that come from endless lists of do’s and don’t’s, the fear of getting it wrong, or creating extreme plans that are unrealistic to stick to and beating yourself up if you don’t follow them meticulously.

Is what your doing right now helpful to you feeling energised, calm, and confident?

The reason I ask this is, because I’ve been where you are. I’ve been in that place that feels dark, heavy and incredibly stressful and pressurised. I’ve trawled the internet searching for that one thing that might help me become pregnant. I’ve been in that place where I was obsessed with the next thing to try or feeling so overwhelmed that I felt paralysed to make a decision so ended up doing nothing, but feeling bad about myself anyway.

In July 2017 I met a woman who was to change my awareness and the way I prepared and journeyed through our last IVF attempt.
Previously I journeyed through IVF in incredibly stressed and highly pressurised mind set, and with this woman’s support, I overall journeyed through our last cycle more at ease, calmer and more confident. It was a true breath of fresh air and something that fertility clinics (in my opionion) gave no attention to what-so ever.
And if we were to ever go through fertility treatment, I know which approach I’d take again with no second guesses.

Below I’m going to go on a share some of these approaches that were shared with me, but also some others I created and found invaluable during my journey.

Now this approach isn’t going to be for everyone, and thats ok, but if what I’m talking about resonates with you, then read on.

I’ve come to believe there are 5 areas that when you put your focus to and make improvements in these areas, you’ll begin to boost your energy which will have a massive impact on the energy you have available for your fertility and these are:

1) Energy
2) Hormones
3) Romantic Relationship
4) Financial / Wealth
5) Support Network

Let me share a little deeper:

1) Energy
How are you feeling? Take a moment to really tune into your body and give yourself a score out of 10. 1 being, your exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed out, 10 – your feeling amazing, and experiencing calmness and ease.
Are you experiencing exhaustion, or overwhelm or feeling stressed out? Your not the only one. Many women when we begin working together, say they feel lost and feel powerless to know what to do for the best.
So right now, I’m inviting you to take a bit of control back and start to prioritise those things that help you to feel good.
Usually when you feel good, you have energy, and can experience feeling calm and a sense of ease.
So when doing anything on your ‘fertility to-do list’, I invite you to ask yourself – Is this helpful to me feeling good?
If you know you feel good when drinking your morning smoothie, then keep doing it. However, if its something that doesn’t make you feel good, like taking your temperature each morning, then I suggest you pop it on hold for a while.
Make your day full of things that help you feel good, and do less of the stuff that doesn’t and watch your energy increase in no time.

2) Hormones
Your bodies hormonal system, is your bodies information super highway – these little things (hormones) carry messages around the body at super quick lightening speed and their primary focus is to keep you alive. They’re a powerful network!
They’re amazing at what they do, but our modern day life, really messes with them.
For example, when we perceive danger (either real or imagined) this triggers off something called the “fight or flight” response (or stress response) in your body.
This is the response thats directly responsible for keeping you alive during times of danger.
When dangers perceived, your body will trigger something called Adrenaline which will kick start a chain reaction in your body. Your bodies heart will beat faster, increasing oxygen to the brain and muscles so your super alert, and have the fuel to be able to run away or fight. You’ll breath quicker and shallower, all your senses will go on super alert and your ready for action.
To do this, your body will redirect its energy away from your reproductive and digestive systems, so it can fuel you fighting or runing away from the danger. Once the threat has gone, the body should then issue calming hormones, which calm the body down and allow energy to return back to your digestion and reproduction organs.
Its an amazing system!
However, in today’s modern society, we tend to have less of the life threatening events such as Saber Toothed Tigers and instead we have stressful, IVF, money worries to name just a few – these all trigger the same response in the body.
So what happens is that you end up being in this heightened alert state for a very long time sometimes days or months or even years, when it was only designed for us to be in for minutes.
This leads to lead to several problems. Firstly, your body gets exhausted as its permanently in a ‘stressed’ state, with no rest and repair time. Secondly, your body won’t digest food properly, leading you to not get the nutrients you need to create and sustain a baby. And thirdly, you’ll have suppressed reproductive system, which can impact your womb and egg quality / health and ability to ovulate or not.

So, what does all this science lesson mean to you?
Anything that stresses you out, will not be helpful to your desire and ability to have a baby.
Ok, before you freak out, there are things you can do that will calm your hormones down.
One of the easiest and fastest ways to calm your body down is to meditate. I love UTube for this as there’s millions of free meditations, all for various outcomes and lengths of time. Try looking for guided meditation for calm, restoration, grounding, stress relief, sleep.
Even if you just did this for 5 minutes everyday, you will start to notice a difference to your calm levels.
Being outside in nature is also amazing. Mother nature has a way to really help your body to calm by simply being in her presence.
Go for a walk, sit outside, whatever feels best for you. Personally I love to go for a walk round the block when I’ve only got 5 minutes as it gets my body moving and me breathing again. Its an instant mood changer!

3) Romantic Relationship
Does it seem forever ago that you and your partner really belly laughed together, or when you disappeared off on a Saturday afternoon for a spontaneous quickie just because you felt like it?

Fertility issues can suck the life out of couples, so if this is your experiencing difficulties, please know your not alone. Many women I talk to say how difficult they find being intimate, especially after fertility treatment.

I know at its peak, I found myself only interested in sex at that ‘time of the month’ – which peeing on a stick, being given the smiley faced green light to get your sexy on, rarely gets you in the mood!

Also, it’s easy for things to come between you as a couple for example, I found myself trying to force hubby to eat oysters (which he absolutely detests!) because I’d heard they’d be good for sperm. When he didn’t eat them, I’d start to feel let down, and angry as I believed he wasn’t as committed to making a baby as I was.

Actually, he really was, he just hated bloody oysters! Nothing more, nothing less, but I was trying to control and force things. When in this place, it did put strain on us. And lets be honest, its easy for things to spiral, blame to come in when in the storm of a fertility journey.

Things really changed when we made an effort to remember and reconnect with one another and that sometimes meant, suspending our fertility chats.
From date nights to holidays, we began to do things just for us, not the baby and it gave us some great times and much needed energy as we went further along our path.
So if this is you, think back to when you first met, what did you enjoy doing? Go and do that, and don’t mention the baby. Have a night / day off. Everything willl still be here when you come back to it. Rediscover who you are without the baby stuff, reconnect again.

4) Financial / Wealth

Fertility treatments like IVF are expensive and are becoming increasingly difficult to get free on the NHS.
Research shows that on average, it takes couples 3 attempts to fail pregnant with procedures like IVF, with each cycle having a national average success rate of 33% (this is to fall pregnant, and is not a live birth statistic). The average cost of each cycle of treatment is around £5k, but if you want anything outside of the basic, you will start to pay way more.

Sadly, for you with fertility challenges it’s no longer enough to factor the cost of having a family, you’ve also got to factor the cost of trying to conceive a family.

Sorry if just reading this has stressed you out, I can understand why it would, especially if your worried about how your going to pay for treatment.
So this is why this point, which is sadly often overlooked, is incredibly powerful to master during your fertility journey. Creating financial abundance in your life, can open up opportunities and empower you to receive the fertility support you desire and not what you have to settle for (and there can be a big difference in quality and thoroughness of support).
Having worked with a number of women to understand their blocks to abundance, I’ve found this is a critical area to make sure that your feeling empowered with. It has helped women to access the therapists they desire to use, plus the clinics that they feel would best support them in becoming pregnant.
I had one client, who was working herself into the ground because she believed she had to pay for IVF all by herself.
After doing some mindset work, she recognised her parents were willing and able to pay for treatment for her.
Shortly after becoming aware of this, she fell pregnant naturally after a year of trying.

One of the quickest and easiest ways I’ve been shown how to create an abundance mindset, was shown by my mentor, Jesse Elder (his work is amazing, go check him out).
He suggests you take a sheet of paper and and make two lists, one tittled “I have” the other “I want”.
Starting with the “I Have” column, write down everything that you’ve helped to get and create in your life, eg your home, furnishing your home, your car, your pets, your friends and family, your holidays, your promotions, your jobs etc.

This will start creating a confidence in your energy, and opening up your abundance energy as there are already so many things you’ve achieved. Whilst your focus is on all the things you have created, you are abundant in, start to fill out the column with the things you want.
Mentally, this helps it feel like it’s not such a big leap between what you have and what you want. It creates a reduction of overwhelm and anxgst, and create a greater sense of ease and confidence.

Note: You may only want a couple of things, maybe one or two or whole page full. That’s ok, whatever feels right for you.
Once you’ve completed the lists, how do you feel now when you think of what you want? Achievable, just a little step from where you are already?
This process creates all the difference between struggle and ease.

5) Support Network
Feeling alone is the thing that unites many women on their fertility journey – is this true for you too ?
Can you feel alone, misunderstood, hurt and wounded by peoples insensitive comments or ‘helpful’ advice?
Unfortunately, a large number of people don’t know or understand what your going through. If someone hasn’t been through a fertility struggle themselves, often their well intentioned support can often hurt or alienate unintentionally.
So here’s my advice, go find a tribe of women who understand what your going through.
It might be one person, or a group, but find people who are on your wave length and who you can talk to freely and easily about what’s going on for you. There is something so powerful and comforting when you connect with people who get you and get what your going through.

If you don’t have a friend you can share and confide in, then there are loads of great people to connect with on Instagram. Have a look under # Infertilitysucks or TTCcommuinity or IVFsupport.

So here you are, these are my suggestions to support you on your fertility journey and can be used at anytime, even after miscarriage, failed IVF attempts or in preparation for IVF. Every little helps as they say and theres no mention of Kale at all, ha ha.

I’d love to hear from you, have you tried any of these suggestions, how did they help you? Have you got any other suggestions you could share with other women who are going through what you are too?

Over the coming weeks, I will be sharing more on each of the 5 areas as these formulate the programme I offer women to help then boost their energy for fertility, naturally.
If you’d like to know more about this and how it may benefit you, then lets chat over a virtual cuppa and see if I can help you to boost your fertile energy, naturally.

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Big Love
Tara xx